Showing posts with label witty banter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label witty banter. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

cruel world why?

Why all the blogging today you may ask?
Because I am sick and dying of dysentery or cancer or cholera or something of the sort, but healthy enough to be bored out of my mind.

(Oregon trail: remember that game, yea it was awesome... because you got to play it in school. too bad its happening to me in real life.)

Luckily I have a sweet loving man to care for me, is he making me soup and lovingly giving me a sponge bath (creepy)? No he is playing halo, but I am not playing halo because he is playing with Nate and when they play together they get supper competitive, so I am not invited... but some good things do come from this:

1) Taylor is my best friend so no matter what were doing I im having a great time

2) He yells out things while playing that usually unnoticed by him sound well... freaky

Sexual Innuendos Taylor has yelled* while playing halo:
(*my roommates are undoubtedly concerned)

-holly shit he was in the shower behind me (personal favorite)

-oh no the other ones on top of me

-hes ramming us from behind

-hes cumming* up the back side (*probably meant coming, but who knows with a sentence like that)

-they are pounding us


3) Hes getting closer and closer to the skull helmet (top secret no one has, completely creepy helmet) which I have to admit is pretty bad ass

the intimidation factor of this thing is through the roof



P.S. Conversation I am literally having right now:

Tay: I'm hungry

Me: what do you want to eat?

Tay: can I cover you with hundred dollar bills and pleasure you?

Me: is that rhetorical? what does that have to do with being hungry?

Tay: oh yea... I'm really hungry. Can we go get something to eat.

(I'm just as confused as you are)

Private Excerpts from the Personal Cell Phone of Katherine:

ME: gooooood mooooorning provo. Its a beautiful day out there today, with forecasts of Taylor acing his math test, and getting a big kiss from Katie. In unrelated news the power at Gianni International Salon and Spa is out so Katie is sitting alone in the darkness... Masturbating.

ME: Ugh Oh umm.. Felipe our tech just wrote that on the teleprompter. I apologize Provo.

TAY: lol your such a dork. I love it!

TAY: I think I got every question correct on my test

ME: As foretasted Taylor Raped the shit out of his test... FELIPE damn it... " Raped the shit" are you kidding me? someone get him out of here.

Taylor: has the power come back on yet?



Do you see how Taylor refused to play along, how am I supposed to hone my creative genius, if hes always trying to kill my monologues and crush my visionary spirit?